I awoke around 5 in the morning and have been up and moving ever since. I went to the gym and used the track and then the recumbent bike. I filled the car up at the gas station. Then I went to the park so that I could do some walking out in God's creation. This is a new and wonderful stage for me that I can do that... that I want to do that! I am so thankful for it. And let me tell you it did not come quickly. I have been on this healing journey for a long time.
Once upon a time I was the person who was always saying, whether aloud or just in my head, "but I can't do that" to every piece of advice. I hated that. I never wanted to be a "no person". And I didn't do it to be contrary or to prove to others that I wasn't willing to try to get healthy, as I was sure it appeared to those who had never had the particular struggles that I was dealing with. And the problem wasn't that I didn't see the wisdom in their suggestions either. While I'm sure I was given plenty of bad advice at times, I was also often the recipient of very good advice that I really could not figure out how to implement. I just could not do things that other people could do. I really couldn't.
This morning's triumph was related to the walking outdoors suggestion that I had always believed was probably really good for people. Because of my IBS, and between my severe allergies and the ensuing debilitating, never healing sinus infections, I just could not walk or exercise outdoors. And I could barely exercise indoors either, but that is a whole different can of worms. No matter how little plausible my barriers seemed to others, no matter how certain others were that if I would just do it, then the benefits would somehow outweigh the negatives so that eventually I could go for walks without experiencing those negatives... They were just wrong. I tried it and I tried it and I tried. And I got sick and I got sick and I got sick. And when I say I got sick or when I describe my sinus infections as chronic, debilitating and never healing, I am in no way exaggerating. I've been on that roller coaster of ever stronger antibiotics more times than I can add up for you. I've experienced on numerous occasions sinus infections that got me so sick that I could barely budge from my bed for weeks. Yes, weeks! After such an event my physical fitness would be far worse off than it was before I took that walk that led to me having sinus trouble within 12-24 hours and a severe infection within 1-4 days. And don't even get me started on the IBS. There is a TMI type topic if there ever was one. So I'm so thankful that I walked outdoors this morning and that I knew as I walked it wasn't about how many people passed me on the track at the park or how many years of struggle and prayer had led up to my being able to take that walk.
While I was walking this morning, glorying in the natural beauty at the park and meditating on my progress and on God's helps in my life, the predominant thought I kept having was that it is not about how fast you go. It really isn't. I wouldn't be a better person or more acceptable or pleasing to God if I was power walking, or jogging or sprinting. I wouldn't be superior to who I really am if I had overcome my barriers to walking outdoors faster rather than taking years to get where I am. It is about the journey to get there. It is about being wise, sober-minded and vigilant against the devil along the way. And while you are being vigilant to watch out for the devil, watch out for self sabotage as well! Don't go out and get yourself so sick that you can't stir from your bed. Learn and pray and try in the wisest ways possible! And when you make a mistake and get yourself sick or injured or discouraged, rather than beat yourself up emotionally, try to acknowledge exactly what your mistake was then pick yourself up and do your best to start over and learn what ever you need to learn to do better in the future. Maybe you need probiotics or sinus surgery or vitamins? Maybe you need to learn to discipline yourself to walk on a treadmill consistently? Maybe you need to learn to get a walking buddy and go to the mall before it opens? Maybe you need to learn to only walk a few minutes today and to only add onto your time by a minute or two every few days so that your building up seems like it is at a snails pace, to stretch before you walk, to stretch after you walk, to see a chiropractor regularly, to eliminate some particular food additive or personal care product... I could never list enough possibilities here to cover every person who is struggling to get on track and maybe ought to be able to walk out in the fresh air for all the marvelous benefits that activity bestows.
But I can tell you: IT IS NOT ABOUT HOW FAST YOU GO. So don't be fooled by watching an hour long program that shows you someone else's weight loss journey and fitness journey and tells you how long their boot camp style experience actually lasted. That show might seem inspirational and it might give you a good idea or two occasionally, but it can also be a quagmire of bad ideas and discouragement. And it is not about how your journey or your obstacles appear to any other person. It is about how you respond and whether or not you include God in your journey. God bless you, all you beautiful souls!
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